I Am So Feng Shui

A real miracle happened here today.

Any Given Day at the Beasley Residence, Still from "Valley of the Dolls"

I'm pushing paper here. Ripping up paper. I'm talking with customer service representatives on the phone and am perfectly calm and not saying crazy lady things and asking for a supervisor. I am friendly and ask them where they are based. Texas, one customer rep says. I made an appointment for a mammogram, a bone density test, and blood work, all perfectly situated on the Upper East Side. I reordered Moishe's pain medication for his arthritis since the on-line pharmacy did not fax the prescription to my vet like they said they would when I ordered it two weeks ago. I am talking to my accountant's secretary and using financial jargon like a real young hip entrepreneur. I am confronting, opening and reading seven months of bank statements that I have avoided. And I am remembering to breathe and breathe very deeply.

I feel calm. I feel calm.

I FEEL CALM.

Although, the day is still not over and there are still tasks to cross of the list, I will give myself five out of five gold stars for good behavior today! Eight minutes to five... and so amped up, I'm ready to write out that expense list, this year's goal's list, wash the dogs, wash the dishes, prepare a fecal sample that I will put in an envelope and send to some anonymous technician at InSure Fit Laboratories in Teterboro, New Jersey.

I can do it all in one day. I can cross everything off my list that always fell to the waist side because it brought up feelings of inadequacy, maternal power struggles, latent rage, and helplessness and most of all fear of abandonment. By the time, my therapist gets back to town, she'll have very little material to analyze and systemize and organize. I will be so Feng Shui. I will be so Minimalist. I will be so Zen. There will be no need for waste paper baskets because I will not have any paper. I will have nothing left to fix, say, or do.