Merry Christmas in Rockaway Park!

"Boarding House Garbage Cans",
Rockaway Park, NYC, Christmas, 1995?

Was it Winter 2005? I was offered to spend the holidays with several of my friends around NYC. I declined and instead went to go down to Rockaway Park for Christmas. I have an objective, find my buddy Butch. I haven't seen in at least over a year. I miss the man with the scratchy drunken voice covering up a heart, so innocent and kind.

Butch was out of sight. No one seemed to know where he had been.

The last winter, he was staying in a smaller than small studio in a boarding house. They like to call this particular house, a crack house. I've seen a lot going on there from booze to heroin, but crack never passed my way. I wouldn't be surprised. Often, I walk through fire and don't feel flames scorching my flesh.

Back then Butchie's friend had bought him a new vinyl lazy boy, dark shiny brown with swerves of black almost like some mutant pit bull. He sat on that chaired and flipped through the basic channels. She had bought him a new bed since the last one he had stained in feces after a long binge alone behind the padlock on his door. She had made sure that "Meals on Wheels" came to his place seven days a week to feed him twice a day on the weekdays and once on each weekend day. I can't forget when he showed me the platter of food stored in Styrofoam. He removed it from the refrigerator and opened the lid and told me with pride ever item in the container.

This friend, this very kind woman--I never met--she died of walking pneumonia at, I believe, no more than 50 years old.

The evening, Butchie found out, he had vodka dripping from his mouth like a fountain. There was nothing, but a quart of Smirnoff that could make any sense to him. Between deep guttural moans of mourning and spewed anger to those around him--he was out of his mind.

Butchie Under Covers, Rockaway Park, NYC, 1995?

That night I came to visit , he was surrounded by the fly-by-nighters, the ones that came when they needed a bit of cash from Butch who would give them money from his disability and VA checks hidden in cash somewhere who knew expect the ones who stole it.

A circle of friends attempted to comfort him, as he flayed his body around, while legs shook unsteady beneath him. He is beginning to show the signs of some neurological disorder...years of drinking surely had made things easier to tolerate, but soon enough would make him bound to a wheel chair. The last gasps of unjust anger faded away and off, he fell asleep, an inebriated calm baby under a half made bed.

So, Christmas...2005. One of the regulars at the Kerry Hill Garden's told me that he was staying at the Peninsula Hospital. It was a frigid day, I walked under the A tracks towards the water and found the Peninsula. Charlie was going to meet me there outside of the building. My cell phone rang and it was my girlfriend's nieces wishing me a Merry Christmas.

"Why aren't you here?", they screamed in unison. "Where are you? We wish you were here!"

"I'm fine," I said. I'm photographing for my project."

..as I imagined them sitting in front of a fire in Narragansett, Rhode Island. They probably were wearing fleece tops, bottoms and footsies to keep warm. I kept a keen eye on any gang life. I held tightly onto two wrapped presents, one for Charlie and one for Butchie.

"Don't go down there!", they said to me before I left the pub. There are a lot of gangs down there. I walked swiftly looking into the interiors of busted car windows and walked quickly over chard's of glass.

Charlie was waiting outside of the Peninsula, smoking a cigarette. I had never seen him dressed so fine. A sports coat, covered with a wool winter coat past his knees. His hair was brushed to the side and brilliantined. He appeared as a ghost vision of my father, quiet, reserved and respectful.

Charlie at His Finest, Peninsula Hospital, Rockaways, NYC, 1995?

We went inside to the reception desk....

"Hello! We are looking for Edward McBride.", I ask. Charlie stands beside me.

Continued next week.

And for now, let me introduce you to a local Rockaway's Organization called "The Rockaway Jetty"

You can learn more about there group on Facebook. Her are some of the things they do:

SINCE ITS INCEPTION, THE ROCKAWAY JETTY'S MISSION HAS BEEN TO IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF LIVES OF CHILDREN IN THE ROCKAWAY COMMUNITY.

WE DO SO BY PROVIDING:

FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE FOR MEDICAL OR EDUCATIONAL NEEDS.

TUTORING

SCHOOL SUPPLIES

BOOKS

CLOTHING

VACATIONS/CAMPS/DAY TRIPS

TOYS.

ETC.

THE ROCKAWAY JETTY RELIES ON THE INVOLVEMENT AND DEDICATION OF ITS MEMBERS AS WELL AS THE KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY OF THE COMMUNITY AND OTHER LOCAL ORGANIZATIONS.

THE ROCKAWAY JETTY IS A TAX EXEMPT, NOT-FOR-PROFIT LOCALLY BASED ORGANIZATION THAT IS DEDICATED TO HELPING PEOPLE "ONE NEED AT A TIME."

Sante Fe Project Competition 2009

The word is out on the street. This week Sante Fe announced the winners!

Of course, I must admit, I had been waiting for their decisions with great hopes until the end of last week, when that special e-mail didn't come my ways.

I would like to highlight two winners, Brian Ulrich who was one of three in the category of honorable mentions and Micheal Christopher Brown . Micheal made it into the Juror's Choice Award. Both very different in their styles but both hard hitting in their metaphorical imagery. These are images that need no words. And however, different the work is of both of these artists, they manage to depict the lonely aftermath of two worlds, so very far apart.

Brian's work always amazes me with is iconographic simplicity and irony. He puts the pieces together like a detective playing with legos, building and putting the pieces together, into a seamless truth. Economic crisis equals photographs of an ATM machine that's been ripped off a wall. Circuit City is nothing but a big red shadow of a building, remnants of a logo ripped off the exterior, with an empty parking lot...who will buy this monstrosity? Will it become someday soon a homeless shelter for those employees who lost their jobs there?

Brian Ulrich, from Dark Stores, Ghost Boxes, and Dead Malls.

Brian Ulrich, from Dark Stores, Ghost Boxes, and Dead Malls.

Micheal, where hasn't he been? Inquiring minds need to know!

Micheal has the artistry to create not only meaningful documentary work, but work that feel like sad film stills, pockets of colors alive in the loneliness of desolate landscapes.

He takes us to the lonely and abandoned Russian Island of Sakhalin. Small figures are in a burrow of white. The people and interiors are smothered in snow. Glass shields them.When I look at Micheal's work, I feel like I am listening to a sweet shushed and eery lullaby.

Micheal Christopher Brown from series, Journey to Sakhalin.

Micheal Christopher Brown from series, Journey to Sakhalin.

Micheal Christopher Brown from series, Journey to Sakhalin.

Check out the others at the Sante Fe Project Competition Page:

http://www.visitcenter.org/programs.cfm?p=ProjectCompetition

And by the way, I found out today that I made it with "Last Stop: Rockaway Park" in the 25 finalist group. Check us out:

http://www.visitcenter.org/programs.cfm?p=Project09Finalists

Never keep trying!

A Little Bit of Meat!

Sorry folks...

It's been a long week, turning into another one. I so want to please you all with fabulous stories with many typos written from the heart, stories starting from photographs to memoir. I often don't have the time to sit down and write the goodness you deserve.

So, this might happen here....just turn off the brain and turn on the You Tube for some easy mindless gobbily gook!

In the meantime....here's a beef burger on me and Billy Mays, served up to the classic boy school way.

Enjoy!

I Want to Make You Smile!

"Smile!", My father in his kitchen in Philadelphia, 1979.

In 1979, I was on summer vacation at my father's house down in Phillie. He lived in the same house where I had spent the first six years of my life with him, my Mom, my sister, Eliza and our two dogs, Abygail and Maxine.

He never left and he died there. He worked less than two miles away, a morning walk in the summer months. He worked the same job for most of his 67 years. When he wasn't working, he was out in his urban garden, growing carrots, watermelons and his prized tomatoes. The cherry tree of my youth had lived and died and came back to live several generations. He taught me that birds ate the seeds of the cherries and then pooped them on the earth and so, began another tree.

He spent his free time alone, drinking and reading several pulp fiction books a week. He had a girlfriend who conveniently lived in California. His life was simple; some might say dysfunctional too.

That summer, we had gotten into a fight. I had teased him with what, I can't remember. I had taken the game too far. I pulled out my camera.

"Dad, please smile! I'm taking your picture."

Once, my camera had the power to my father and everyone else smile.

There is so much to say about the relationship between my father and me, a far distant relationship, from New Rochelle, New York to Philadelphia, sheltering me with a sense of security, one of which I did not feel or share in my mother's home. There is so much to say...

I loved him. I loved him across, a cheap kitchen table, me on one side reading the comics and him on the other reading and smoking Pall Malls.

And I wonder why now, I have decided to write about it. Is it because I found a photograph of my father, scowling with arms crossed, in a manila envelope or is it because on the opening of my group show at Mazzeo Gallery, my mother's second husband, Peter arrived.

There is so much to say between these empty spaces between words. There are thousands of unsaid words. This is a bookmark in storage which these days is a receptacle of stuttered and garrulous words streaming through my brain rapid fire. I could write for days on end if I let myself. I could divulge ever pathology. But, not tonight.

I hadn't seen Peter in 12 years since my mother's funeral. Before that I hadn't seen him for another 12 years.

At the funeral, I remember him well-dressed and poised. My friend's mother remarked later that my own father appeared tired and gray. I wanted to shoot her in the head for her insensitivity.

Peter got up in front of the mourners and spoke an reverent eulogy...still strong in my memory and weak in this shell of a recount.

Thank you Peter for coming to my show. Thank you for your recognition. I always wanted that. God bless you too.

A Little Inspiration from My Heroes, An Ongoing Soap Opera!

Charice Pempengco

True genius! If you haven't seen these lovely girl belt it out....I'm begging you to do so! She has been a complete inspiration to me; even if, the media has picked her up as a pure oddity. Charice Pempengco is from the the Phillipines and made it all the way to the Ellen Degeneres Show.

How long will she last once she goes into puberty and loses her girlish supernatural voice?
Wouldn't it be great if she could sing a little Courtney Love?

Keep coming back for more inspiration from fabulous women and other gender types!

"Juliana's Secret Stash"

ART FAIR! A Group Show At Micheal Mazzeo Gallery.
Opening, March 4th from 6-9.

Come See Me at Micheal Mazzeo Gallery!

"Juliana as Amanda with Anonymous Customer", Naked City, Queens, N.Y., 1993?

This series of Polaroid’s is lovingly called, “Juliana’s Secret Stash”. I have kept this work hidden in a shoebox away from light and away from sight of others—except the occasional friend—for over almost two decades, until now. I will show part of this collection, in the form of larger sized scans of the Polaroid’s, for the first time at the Micheal Mazzeo Gallery from March 4th through April 11th 2009.

Other fabulous artists include:

Yong Hee Kim
Sebastian Lemm
Chris McCaw
Will Steacy
Leah Oates
Cara Phillips
F&D Cartier
Josh Quigley
Robin Schwartz
Rachael Dunville
Lucas Foglia
Timothy Eugene O’Tower
Lacey Terrell
Christopher Rauschenber


For more info on the show go to: http://www.michaelmazzeo.com/

What is "Juliana's Secret Stash About?"

"Juliana as Nico with the Ray Sisters", Naked City, Queens, N.Y., 1993?

During the 1990s, I was dancing and photographing in strip clubs in the tri-state area and around the USA, paving the way to completion of my book Lapdancer. Stuffed away into my duffle bag of g-strips and spandex costumes, I also toted along the SX-70 and Joy Cam Polaroid cameras to photograph dancers, take portraits of myself with other dancers and self-portraits.

"Juliana as Nico in Bathroom Stall, Self-Portrait", Naked City, Queens, N.Y. 1993?

Throughout my career as a dancer, I often took the opportunity to be photographed with well known and not so well known feature dancers and porn stars. Feature dancers are performers who come to the gentlemen’s club for the week to perform a "special" routine on stage, bringing in elated customers.

I had many chances to have my portrait taken with these weekly performers. When I worked in Honolulu for half a year, I found a club where porn stars and features were a common part of the program, night and day. They would fly in just to parade their specialty, whether it was grotesquely large implants, the size of three human heads smushed together in one globule, or a bubble bath on stage. They performed several times during a shift. In one week, they definitely earned more money than I did, or at least, this is what I heard from other dancers who estimated that in a year’s worth of work, they grossed 200K and more.

Between stage shows and meeting with adoring groupies, they hid in their personal dressing rooms. The “house” club dancers wondered what they did in there? I imagine apply more make-up upon sweaty made-up faces and calculate the day’s earnings with their traveling managers.

They were the rock stars of the business. We were the supporting actresses.

"Celeste", Ft. Myers, Florida, 2002.

Part of the fanfare was not only an effort to promote their unique performance, but also to sell their fanzines and offer a lasting memory to the customers in return for a nominal fee. After a performance, the male fans would line up in a corner of the club and pay to have a Polaroid taken of themselves and their favorite glamour queen. Instant gratification before the days of digital! The adult starlet would then scribble the customary signature on the Polaroid with something brazen such as the classic "Cum See Me". Sometimes, when they had the time, they would write something more original and address it to the customer.

I often went and took my place at the end of the cue to pleasantly ask the performer, “Can I have my photo taken with you?” Whatever they thought of me, I always walked away charmed and delighted with my new possession. All I wanted was a bit of nostalgia from my dancer days in the form of a celluloid Polaroid to hold onto for future days and laughs.

During the final years of working on Lapdancer, I was no longer dancing myself and traveled the United States simply to photograph. I went to Colorado, Las Vegas, Tampa, Ft. Myers and Miami. I began shooting “house” dancers with my newly bought Polaroid Joy Cam. I had an idea: I would photograph a dancer and ask her to sign the bottom of her portrait with a Sharpie just like the feature and porn actresses had done, elevating her to a higher level of stardom. Instead of the formulaic one-liners, I asked them to write what they were really thinking at that very moment while working a night’s shift at the club.

Many of the dancers wrote the ubiquitous “I want to make lots of MONEY” or something close to it. However, sometimes a dancer would write very personal ironic or sad one-lined commentaries. An older dancer from Ft. Myers named Pennie wrote under her portrait, “Thanks for seeing something in me that I no longer see”.

My concept was a simple. I wanted to create a visual pun mimicking the feature dancers’ flagrant self-presentation, a juxtaposition of fantasy in relation to reality. I knew from personal experience that behind every dancer’s smile and agreeable affect are thoughts far from the external trimmings.

I am intrigued with this frank inner monologue within each dancer and how it compares to that of the feature dancers’ contrived scribblings upon the Polaroid’s white edges.

This dichotomy is not singular, nor a detached phenomenon existing only within strip clubs. We are all tempted to pass through life euphorically embracing the consumption of fantasy, rather than facing not only simple joys, but also the reality of pain.

Eyes of Salamanca Work in Bridge Art Fair, March 5-March 8

"Maria and Two Friends", Mexico, 2007.

This year during the Armory Art week in NYC, I will be showing my work at the fabulous Bridge Art Fair with the group Station Independent Projects. This is the first year Bridge, the ever growing popular art fair will settle in at the historic Waterfront Building, located in Manhattan’s Chelsea’s Gallery District. Bridge has already shown in Basel, London and Miami.

The eclectic and fabulous and always on the move Leah Oates is not only partaking in the fair with Station Independent Projects, but is the curator as well.

The following are a list of the other participants in my group:

Iris Klein, Photography

Miles Ladin, Photography

Yeni Mao, Collage

Leah Oates, Photography

Pierre St- Jacques, Video Installation

(Please, note that due to technical difficulties at the moment, I was unable to create links to each of the artists sites. Hopefully in a day they will be posted.)

I will be showing works from my project "Eyes of Salamanca". And a great preview and omen because I fly off to live on the farm community with my friend the Schmitts in Mennonite country in April!

"Blonde Braids", Mexico 2007.

Here is the schedule for Bridge:

SCHEDULE ::

March 5 7 pm-10 pm Opening-Night Vernissage March 6
12 pm-8 pm General Admission Fair Hours March 7
12 pm-8 pm General Admission Fair Hours
March 8
12 pm-7 pm General Admission Fair Hours

For further info and tickets: go to Bridge Art Fair

http://www.bridgeartfair.com/newyorkindex.html