"Flip Hairstyle", Rockaway Park, NYC, 2006. Juliana Beasley
After I photographed each member of the congregation who passed through are make-shift studio leading to the exit of the church, a young woman with bleach blonde hair approached me me. I asked her too as I had done with the others, "What is your New Year's resolution?"
Her mother and sisters waited outside. The door was held ajar and I could feel the cold air biting against my cheeks.
"I don't feel very good," she said.
"I took an overdose of my epilepsy medication yesterday. I feel really horrible. I tried to kill myself yesterday, " she said.
"I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you feeling alright?" I asked. "It's good that you came to church today."
The day before she had locked herself in the bathroom until her parents managed to get through the door. They had taken her to the emergency room. It's seemed incredible and almost impossible that she could be standing in front of me after such a trauma to her body and psyche. I couldn't make sense of the story, only that she wanted to die and that she hated herself.
"Laker's Fan", Rockaway Park, NYC, 2006. Juliana Beasley
Her honesty and our position in front of the door as others tried to move around us and exit felt equally awkward. I didn't know what to say. I knew I didn't have enough time to help her or give her some hope.
"I feel better today though, "she said. "I can't believe I did that. It was so stupid."
"You are going to be alright? " I said. "It's good that you came today. Did you pray for help and guidance?"
"Yes, " she said.
"Met's Fan", Rockaway Park, NYC, 2006. Juliana Beasley
"Girl with Scarf", Rockaway Park, NYC, 2006. Juliana Beasley
"Woman in Red Coat", Rockaway Park, NYC, 2006. Juliana Beasley
Prayer and religion are not a part of my vocabulary, but I knew that I had to connect with her within her belief system and not mine.
I wrote down her name and her phone number. I told her I would call her. She said good-bye. I could do nothing else but give her a strong hug and tell her it would be alright. Or at least, I hoped it would be alright.
"Are you almost ready? " a man standing anxiously with a set of keys looked on as we packed my photo gear into bags.
My assistant and I quickly packed up the remainder of my things. We picked up my belonging,and
walked through the door that was quickly locked behind us.
"Charlie", Rockaway Park, NYC, 2006. Juliana Beasley
6 comments:
Wow, great storytelling once again. That whole attempted suicide thing kind of killed the joke I was going to make about welcoming the time travelers from the 1970's. Oh well.
I wondered if you had specifically told them not to smile or if that's just their natural demeanor.
As you can see some of them smile. I ask them to just be natural in front of the camera. I think for most people not smiling for the camera is a new experience.
The smile thing vs. the no smile thing is an interesting discourse in photography. What it means culturally. For example, I am sure that in some places smiling for the camera is strange. The smile. A small facial gesture, the end of the lips turned upward or even more extreme exposing one's teeth can say so little about the person or maybe it can say something. It is deceiving though.
Now, what happened to my blog readers? No, one comes here anymore or makes a comment. This blows!
I found these portraits beautiful but not in our traditional sense of what is beautiful . I am really intrigued with your decision, in regards to where you decided to place your make shift studio and why the viewer is given no indication that these portraits were made in a place of worship …this forced me to meditate on the subjects and their “physical-psychological” make-up within this bare space .
For me the images “Flip Hairstyle” “Lakers Fan”, “Charlie” "Woman in Red Coat", were very sad and almost cruel I don’t mean “cruel” or “sad” in the sense to how they or you as the photographer decided to present them to the camera but more in the sense that even after exiting this place of “worship” that is suppose to provide some answers and sense of community the subjects still looked incredibly alone…I found this very powerful and human .
The little boys “lack of gaze” in "Pastor Gary's Son with His Wife and Son" is wonderful !
You didn't publish for a while, you know, so it takes people some time to find you again. Sorry.
I thought the lack of smiles in some was made more relevant because of the religious setting. I mean, isn't religion supposed to make people happy and all that? In THAT context, it seems a little jarring to see some of these expressions. And of course, that makes your work even more interesting.
I've definitely gotten you a few new views from Twitter, btw. I guess they just don't tend to say much. :)
I absolutely LOVE the lack of digital slickness in these images ..your use of color and lighting is beautiful .. especially now .. I have seen so many images saturated with dicorica dehumanizing slickness. Your work reads as authentic and soulful
thanks to both of you for the feedback. and yes, Chriss, it does take time to get those readers back when you go on blogger vacation for a while.
peace! J
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