"Joel, Baby Joel and Stephanie On Bungalow Porch #1", Rockaways, NYC, 2011. Juliana Beasley.
I met Joel, Stephanie and "Baby Joel" (as he is called) this past summer when I went to Joanne's granddaughter's birthday party. I had never met anybody who lived in the bungalows out in the Rockaways. I went about 30 blocks away from my usual location at 116th Street in Rockaway Park. I hope to continue photographing them and other people living in the bungalows during the next year.
They were kind enough to open their door to me. Joel's parents, his brothers, his two sisters and his nephew share another bungalow in the same complex.
"Joel and Baby Joel in the Sky", Rockaways, NYC, 2011. Juliana Beasley.
"Baby Joel and Mother Stephanie #1", Rockaways, NYC, 2011. Juliana Beasley.
I am posting a loose edit. Why? Sometimes, I am afraid that I do not make the right final choice. But, I'm sure this is a common feeling amongst photographers, especially now that so much is shot in the digital world. I only get 12 shots per roll. And I'm thankful for that. It makes me focus. And I like to focus.
On another and more profound note:
I want to apologize to my readers or those of you who have kept up with me on my blog. I think I apologize at least quarterly for the same reason. I am not writing as much despite the fact that I love to write and generally, it helps me organize my thoughts and get in touch not only with my creative side but just with myself. Over the last year and a half, I have honestly considered talking very frankly about what has been going on in my life. Some of the stuff is very personal. Actually, most of it is.
In the past, I have written posts that have been brutally forthright about difficult periods (in particular my fight with clinical depression) in my life, as well as joyous ones. I have gotten good feedback. I have also received thankful responses from people going through similar problems. I'll refrain from using the word "issues". So, I hope writing with honesty about my personal struggles, as well as my successes can be of some comfort to someone reading my blog. And open a dialogue about mental illness, irony, stigmatization, inspiration and creativity.
I hesitate only because art does not support me. And how does one present oneself publicly when there is a smoke screen that everything is alright in cyberspace. Facebook is the epitome of creating a persona that is endlessly upbeat and proactive. In the photography Facebook world or network, it's important to keep up this spotless facade of daily success whether it be creatively, emotionally, or most of all financial. One must always be on top of things and informed and super Type A productive. This is by the way, not only my impression.
And yet, many of my photo friends are suffering from personal hardships. Over the last year, I know several artist friends who went on public assistance and food stamps. We don't hear those stories. These are hard working photographers including myself and yet, I still feel like there is this illusion that all is spotless and easy peasy for artists who even have a name in the business. What kind of message is this to show the aspiring young student or enthusiast who doesn't yet understand the sacrifices and endless work that goes into making a living as a photographer?
We as an audience don't see beyond the photo smiles at the gallery openings or the family events. No, one actually talks openly about the economic recession and how it has effected many of their own livelihoods. One friend and fellow blogger, Colin Pantall remarked on this discrepancy of public and private persona and how little photographers talk about the financial difficulties of working and living as a fine art photographer.
The last couple of years have also taken me on a financial and emotional roller coaster of instability. But, I hang on because I love what I do.
I asked Colin, "Should I write about my personal and financial difficulties and even my challenges with depression over a lifetime?"
My concern of a "tell-all diaristic blog" is cemented in the fact that perhaps it would put me at a disadvantage in the editorial, commercial or fine art world-- perhaps, my honesty would hurt my chances at getting the next job that would pay the bills. And so, that is my dilemma. Said and true. Sad and true.
One photographer friend told me that he came out and talked about his battle with anxiety in an interview for a blog. Sadly, he actually lost work because of the blog post and had it taken down. Should I fear the same stigmatization?
Colin's response to my question was something like-- and this is not a quote-- that if we can't be honest about ourselves or in our work "what is the point?". And I agree with that.
Are there any editors out there who would answer this question... or fellow photographers? I would love to hear your feedback.
In the meantime, Merry and Happy Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!!!
6 comments:
I've often wondered the same thing myself. . .and I'm sure it's true. I know my blog costs me jobs. The mix of politics, wondering about my own process and my subject matter seems to scare some of the agencies I used to work for.
Not to put any kind of Romantic glow on it or anything but there's nothing I can really do about that. After all, at the end of the day I have to live with myself. I kinda can't help what I think is important enough to write about, to photograph.
I say: do what you do and let the chips fall.
Hey You Are The Dude Tony! Thanks for that fabulous testament to being true to yourself! Your blog is very bold and I really appreciate that inspiration. Yes, chips do fall but I think that is ok.... it's about not being mediocre and finding your own voice even if it is sometimes a raging bull baring it's ass.
I've barely made a penny from photography and I don't foresee that changing. In the end I do it because I love the magic of pictures and will continue earning money in other ways, my camera riding along the way. I'm full of admiration for you and those who have made it so far already. If I had money to splurge I'd buy you your freedom and all those others on the same road.
Joel's parents, his brothers, his two sisters and nephew share the other bungalows in the same complex.
Association Management
I've been into photography from a very early age - eventually I went on to pursue it in high school via student publications and then did it in college as a hobby.
As I've just graduated and have had some downtime, I've just discovered your work and I absolutely love it.
I also just want to say thank you for this post. I myself want to go into the art world but never have I encountered someone with success who speaks about just how difficult it is to make it in the industry. As you rightly pointed out, we do not see anything but the parties and book signings and gallery openings. We hear testaments from people who are trying to make it, but to hear this from someone who is already so accomplished is incredibly refreshing and HELPFUL. Thanks for this.
Thanks Anonymous for your kind message. I am curious whom you might be. I'm in big trouble. I haven't written for my blog in ages. But, soon enough the words with come and so, will more negatives to scan. Thanks and Peace!
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