If you read this before Monday or Tuesday next week...hee, hee...just wait!
Here I am alone, happy as my dog Howard, sitting in a lounge chair looking outside the window like an old woman watching the urban action from above. Occasionally, a dog and his human companion will walk by and Howard will turn and spin and bark in madness...death to anyone who intrudes "his" territory.
I look around and my desk is scattered with papers, my bedroom floor disheveled in a mixture of winter and summer clothes. Transition.
In the break of a storm...I just need to hold onto the boat baby. And pass through another stretch of chaos before a couple of weeks might settle into the realm of routine and the peace of morning coffees at 5:00 am.
For now, it picking up pieces and putting them back where I think they belong. But, really who knows for sure?
Putting away my toys and amassing and compiling a to do list from all the scribbled notes on envelopes, yellow legal pads, and organizers meant to make me more organized. I consider all that is terrifying about the future seemingly planned out to perfection. But, that list always gets curtailed by someone or something that pops their messy heads in the way of certainty. And then again, I'm back in this never ending cycle of putting things back together again. This is what the Buddhists call Samsara. This is what I call a pain in the ass.
No sillies not the perfume!Or what my mother would have called a "shit kicker".
I wish Edward Gorey could draw a picture of the irony and insane quality of my life, of all of our lives. I would have to ask him,
"Can I be the ballerina from the "Gilded Bat" steady on one toe and yet utterly bored?"
And then I would place it over my bed, replacing my original copy of the ever hopeful "Paper Moon" poster--tough little Tatum and the wheeler dealer Daddy, Ryan sitting in the crook of the moon.(a joyful surprise of winning the Oscar. Please follow "Tatum" link to see this awesome and sickly cute clip.
Winner of 1973 Oscars! I was 6 and in love.Not tonight. I'm up on the mountain. I'm on the boat, baby!
